Mother's Day gift....for my kids!

Well, today was a wonderful mother's day. But as I sat in church this morning, those familiar thoughts went through my mind. Why can I not conquer the weight? How much better mom would I be if there were 100 pounds less of me? Yes, I was able to crawl in the Chuck E. Cheese tubes last night, I haven't lost that, but I can't imagine how much more energy at the end of the day I would have it I carried around 100 pounds less through out the day.

So I got to thinking. In one year from now, where could I be in my weight? I have always heard that 2 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. That would mean I could lose 104 pounds in a year. So that means I could be at my goal weight by this time next year! I could lose Noah, Toben and Ava...I know how badly my back hurts when I have to carry Toben or Ava around for a little while and how tired that makes me. When I think that my excess body weight is the same as carrying all three of them on my back, that just sounds in sane! Oh how much better I would feel with out them on my back all day! :)

So next year for Mother's Day, I want to give my children a gift. I want to give them less of me! I want give them a mom that has the energy to get through the day with out being grumpy by dinner because I am so exhausted I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I want to give them a mom who can run around the park with them and not be winded after a couple of laps. I want to give them a mom who is all the God has called her to be which is not "skinny" but healthy and walking in obedience in the area of food.

I also have a little alterior motive for wanting to lose weight. John, if you are reading this, just skip this paragraph! I don't want you having a panick attack on me! :) On this mother's day, I really reflected on ALL my children...the four who live with me, the one I lost to a miscarriage before Callie and of course Eden and Addy. I also pondered future children. Everyone says you know when you are "done", and I can't imagine being done! As we celebrated Ava's second birthday, my heart just about burst with the desire for another biological child. I would love to adopt again too, but I love being pregnant and experiencing all that means. But the next time I am pregnant, I want to be one of those cute pregnant women! I don't want to have to buy larger size women's clothes because no maternity clothes fit. I want to have the cute little bump of pregnancy instead of barely showing because the baby can't be seen through the layers of fat. I know if God (and John) allow me to have the experience of another pregnancy, it will most probably be my last one. I want to be skinny when I start! Since Ava is two and I am 34, another pregnancy needs to occur in the next year or two if we are going to do that. So I need to get this weight off!

So Mother's Day 2009, I will give my kids a mother who is at her goal weight and more of a mom because there is less of me there!