Since I started Weight Watchers, it seems that a new leaf has turned over. I have done Weight Watchers before, but it feels so different this time. I am trying to put my finger on what it is...I am just not sure. I declared war on my food addiction, but I have done that a million times! I think with my health issues, and understanding the vital importance of walking intimatly with God to literaly keep my mind right now, I know that food cannot stand in the way of my intimacy with Him! I think I have tasted and seen that He is good and food no longer tastes so good! I have had one really bad emotional day since being on WW, and food didn't even enter my mind to console it. Food doesn't consume my thoughts any more. What freedom! I fear the old thoughts will come back, but for now I am resting in the peace of eating to nourish my body and tracking it all to make sure I know what is going in my mouth!
And the best part is, the scale is going back down! woohoo!!! I know I need to quit weighing every day, but every day this week, I have been down at least half a pound from the day before. I am on my way to that 100 pounds by Mother's Day 2009!
Thank you to those of you walking this journey with me! I don't know how you found my blog, but I am soooooo glad you did!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
I joined!
I just joined Weight Watchers on line! This thinking that I will 'cut back' is foolish! I know myself better than that! I HAVE to have boundaries....a checklist! And I love the on line system with the flex plan that allows me to put it all in the computer and it counts it for me!
Then I went to the Christian Women On-Line site thanks to my new friend These Three Kings. I found several wonderful little articles by Darlene Schacht. One of them that I read was to develop a plan. So I have stayed up tonight after my house has gone to bed so that I can do just that! So what is my plan???? Here it is!
Final Goals
1. Lose 110 pounds to get to goal weight of 150 pounds
2. have more energy
3. get off high blood pressure medicine (always had LOW blood pressure, even when I am pregnant, but this week started taking med for high blood pressure, yuck!)
4. hit 160 pounds by Mother's Day 2008
5. be healthy
6. teach my kids to be healthy
What I hope to gain by reaching these goals:
1. have God on the throan of my heart alone - NOT sharing it with food
2. gain confidence with "skinny women"
3. have energy to do all God has called me to be
There are a couple of others, but a little too personal to post to the world! :)
The Cost:
1. Stick to my points - NO CHEATING!
2. Learn to be satisfied with grapes instead of cookies!
3. Give up immediate satisfaction for perseverance and walking in obedience to God
4. hearing kids complain about the meals
5. cleaning out all the junk in our pantry
6. drink more water
7. get up at 5 to make sure I have plenty of time to exercise
8. time to log in my points
So that is my game plan! I wrote in my journal: The beggining of the END - I declare war on my weight, on my addiction to food - I am melting this golden calf once and for all!
What makes this time different than the TEN THOUSAND times before I have declared this? God! I am more intimate with God now than ever before...and food is standing in my way of greater intimacy. For me food is an idol, it holds a place only God should hold. It is an addiction, a quick hit so to speak when I am down, tired, bored or discouraged. I feel intitled to that little pleasure. But the truth is that all those things that lead me to turn to food instead of God during those times are lies. Food can't sustain me, but God can! Food can't bring joy, but God can! I want to go deeper with God, but I hear him saying over and over, get food out of the way then, my dear daughter! So I am going to get food out of the way so I can walk closer with my Savior! He is worth it! And He will walk with me through this journey and I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength......even lose 110 pounds!
I think I'll go buy a two piece swimming suit to hang in my closet for next year.......I'm sure I'll be ready to wear it then :) - a modest one of course! lol!
Then I went to the Christian Women On-Line site thanks to my new friend These Three Kings. I found several wonderful little articles by Darlene Schacht. One of them that I read was to develop a plan. So I have stayed up tonight after my house has gone to bed so that I can do just that! So what is my plan???? Here it is!
Final Goals
1. Lose 110 pounds to get to goal weight of 150 pounds
2. have more energy
3. get off high blood pressure medicine (always had LOW blood pressure, even when I am pregnant, but this week started taking med for high blood pressure, yuck!)
4. hit 160 pounds by Mother's Day 2008
5. be healthy
6. teach my kids to be healthy
What I hope to gain by reaching these goals:
1. have God on the throan of my heart alone - NOT sharing it with food
2. gain confidence with "skinny women"
3. have energy to do all God has called me to be
There are a couple of others, but a little too personal to post to the world! :)
The Cost:
1. Stick to my points - NO CHEATING!
2. Learn to be satisfied with grapes instead of cookies!
3. Give up immediate satisfaction for perseverance and walking in obedience to God
4. hearing kids complain about the meals
5. cleaning out all the junk in our pantry
6. drink more water
7. get up at 5 to make sure I have plenty of time to exercise
8. time to log in my points
So that is my game plan! I wrote in my journal: The beggining of the END - I declare war on my weight, on my addiction to food - I am melting this golden calf once and for all!
What makes this time different than the TEN THOUSAND times before I have declared this? God! I am more intimate with God now than ever before...and food is standing in my way of greater intimacy. For me food is an idol, it holds a place only God should hold. It is an addiction, a quick hit so to speak when I am down, tired, bored or discouraged. I feel intitled to that little pleasure. But the truth is that all those things that lead me to turn to food instead of God during those times are lies. Food can't sustain me, but God can! Food can't bring joy, but God can! I want to go deeper with God, but I hear him saying over and over, get food out of the way then, my dear daughter! So I am going to get food out of the way so I can walk closer with my Savior! He is worth it! And He will walk with me through this journey and I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength......even lose 110 pounds!
I think I'll go buy a two piece swimming suit to hang in my closet for next year.......I'm sure I'll be ready to wear it then :) - a modest one of course! lol!
Monday, May 19, 2008
I hate this battle!
Well, my weight is back where I started! I hate this battle! It seams the harder I fight, the more I lose! Yet I know that is because I am believing lies.
I have made some good, but more bad food choices this past week. I know have a wonderful friend wanting to walk this journey with me...I was so excited when she e-mailed and asked to do it with me, yet I find myself still not being motivated. What is it going to take to motivate me? I just feel so down on myself right now that eating just seems like the only thing to do. What a lie from the pit!
I did swim 10+ laps yesterday...nearly killed me! Used to I was big, but I could keep up physically fairly well. Now days, that is not the case. By 2:00 in the afternoon I am wiped out! Brain dead and physically exhausted. What would it be like to carry 100 pounds less around all day? Oh God, help me to get there!
I have made some good, but more bad food choices this past week. I know have a wonderful friend wanting to walk this journey with me...I was so excited when she e-mailed and asked to do it with me, yet I find myself still not being motivated. What is it going to take to motivate me? I just feel so down on myself right now that eating just seems like the only thing to do. What a lie from the pit!
I did swim 10+ laps yesterday...nearly killed me! Used to I was big, but I could keep up physically fairly well. Now days, that is not the case. By 2:00 in the afternoon I am wiped out! Brain dead and physically exhausted. What would it be like to carry 100 pounds less around all day? Oh God, help me to get there!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day gift....for my kids!
Well, today was a wonderful mother's day. But as I sat in church this morning, those familiar thoughts went through my mind. Why can I not conquer the weight? How much better mom would I be if there were 100 pounds less of me? Yes, I was able to crawl in the Chuck E. Cheese tubes last night, I haven't lost that, but I can't imagine how much more energy at the end of the day I would have it I carried around 100 pounds less through out the day.
So I got to thinking. In one year from now, where could I be in my weight? I have always heard that 2 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. That would mean I could lose 104 pounds in a year. So that means I could be at my goal weight by this time next year! I could lose Noah, Toben and Ava...I know how badly my back hurts when I have to carry Toben or Ava around for a little while and how tired that makes me. When I think that my excess body weight is the same as carrying all three of them on my back, that just sounds in sane! Oh how much better I would feel with out them on my back all day! :)
So next year for Mother's Day, I want to give my children a gift. I want to give them less of me! I want give them a mom that has the energy to get through the day with out being grumpy by dinner because I am so exhausted I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I want to give them a mom who can run around the park with them and not be winded after a couple of laps. I want to give them a mom who is all the God has called her to be which is not "skinny" but healthy and walking in obedience in the area of food.
I also have a little alterior motive for wanting to lose weight. John, if you are reading this, just skip this paragraph! I don't want you having a panick attack on me! :) On this mother's day, I really reflected on ALL my children...the four who live with me, the one I lost to a miscarriage before Callie and of course Eden and Addy. I also pondered future children. Everyone says you know when you are "done", and I can't imagine being done! As we celebrated Ava's second birthday, my heart just about burst with the desire for another biological child. I would love to adopt again too, but I love being pregnant and experiencing all that means. But the next time I am pregnant, I want to be one of those cute pregnant women! I don't want to have to buy larger size women's clothes because no maternity clothes fit. I want to have the cute little bump of pregnancy instead of barely showing because the baby can't be seen through the layers of fat. I know if God (and John) allow me to have the experience of another pregnancy, it will most probably be my last one. I want to be skinny when I start! Since Ava is two and I am 34, another pregnancy needs to occur in the next year or two if we are going to do that. So I need to get this weight off!
So Mother's Day 2009, I will give my kids a mother who is at her goal weight and more of a mom because there is less of me there!
So I got to thinking. In one year from now, where could I be in my weight? I have always heard that 2 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. That would mean I could lose 104 pounds in a year. So that means I could be at my goal weight by this time next year! I could lose Noah, Toben and Ava...I know how badly my back hurts when I have to carry Toben or Ava around for a little while and how tired that makes me. When I think that my excess body weight is the same as carrying all three of them on my back, that just sounds in sane! Oh how much better I would feel with out them on my back all day! :)
So next year for Mother's Day, I want to give my children a gift. I want to give them less of me! I want give them a mom that has the energy to get through the day with out being grumpy by dinner because I am so exhausted I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I want to give them a mom who can run around the park with them and not be winded after a couple of laps. I want to give them a mom who is all the God has called her to be which is not "skinny" but healthy and walking in obedience in the area of food.
I also have a little alterior motive for wanting to lose weight. John, if you are reading this, just skip this paragraph! I don't want you having a panick attack on me! :) On this mother's day, I really reflected on ALL my children...the four who live with me, the one I lost to a miscarriage before Callie and of course Eden and Addy. I also pondered future children. Everyone says you know when you are "done", and I can't imagine being done! As we celebrated Ava's second birthday, my heart just about burst with the desire for another biological child. I would love to adopt again too, but I love being pregnant and experiencing all that means. But the next time I am pregnant, I want to be one of those cute pregnant women! I don't want to have to buy larger size women's clothes because no maternity clothes fit. I want to have the cute little bump of pregnancy instead of barely showing because the baby can't be seen through the layers of fat. I know if God (and John) allow me to have the experience of another pregnancy, it will most probably be my last one. I want to be skinny when I start! Since Ava is two and I am 34, another pregnancy needs to occur in the next year or two if we are going to do that. So I need to get this weight off!
So Mother's Day 2009, I will give my kids a mother who is at her goal weight and more of a mom because there is less of me there!
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