Ugh..again!

I am not sure why, but this morning I was up a lot! I hate that! I weighed on day last week and had lost another pound. So I was expecting big things this morning! Big in the weight loss category, not in the gain category! So frustrating! I was out of town last week so didn't record a lot of my food, but really felt good about how I ate. I got popcorn for a snack at the convenience store on the road instead of a candy bar. At the continental breakfast at the hotel, I had not desire to eat one of everything (that is what I used to do!). So I was really excited to see what the scale said.

I was up 3.5 pounds! So frustrating! I will weigh again later in the week and see what it says. Maybe this morning was just a bad day to weigh. I haven't been excercising, and I know that is not good. I also haven't been drinking water. So I am going to work on those two areas this week.

So this is the face that Weight Watchers gave me on my weight recorder today!

One more pound!

I didn't record last weeks weight, but I had gone back up to 256. But this week, I did well and was back down minus one! So I have a total weight loss of 6.5 pounds! First five pound milestone down! woohoo!!! This week was so easy because I didn't have to "think" about it! I just ate what I wanted and quit when I was full. Food didn't consume me! I didn't do well this weekend, but I also didnt' spend time with God Saturday or Sunday. I know that impacts my whole being....including how I view food!

Only 93.5 pounds until the nose ring! :)

I'm going to do it!

When I lose my weight, I am going to pierce my nose! Why you ask? See post below! When I lose 100 pounds, it will mean that God has taken his rightful place on the throan of my heart....food will be forever overthrown! It will be an outward symbol of an inward commitment, a change from the inside out! Just like I wear my wedding ring to show I am committed to John, the nose stud will be to show that God owns my heart, I am fully committed to Him and have conquered my addiction to food! It will be extreme! :) I have been called a prude many times! So for me to show up with a nose piercing will be a shock to many (My parents being among the biggest, I am sure), but I can't wait to get it done! When it is done, I will know I have won the battle! God will be ther ruler of my heart and food will be in submission! What a day that will be! :)

Me, the Freak! (Cross Posted)

I remember a time when I thought the song "Jesus Freak" was just hard rock. But now, it seems to be my theme song. I have written before about how I feel like an alien in this place we call home. Yet even more today than when I wrote that, I feel like a freak because of my beliefs.

We have been at a family reunion this weekend. It was interesting to say the least. One cousin I had not seen since our wedding almost 11 years ago. She walked up and I instantly saw a beautiful young woman. Now I know that doesn't sound like s strange statement, but she was not what I would normally think of as beautiful. She had long earrings that looked somewhat like chains and hung down to her shoulders. She was in sort of "earthy" clothing and had a tattoo on the top of her foot...along with one on her arm. But as I visited with this cousin, I realized why I found her beautiful, she loves the Lord with her whole heart! She has a countenance about her that makes her beautiful! That tattoo on the top of her foot is the same scripture I named my blog after. So that got me to thinking why someone that the old me would have seen as a little freaky is now so beautiful. And I didn't have to go far to figure it out.

You see, I feel much like her in many ways. I have found myself listening more and more to the "edgy" music. I don't know that it is because I "enjoy" it more, but it seems that not only is the music edgy, but the lyrics reflect lives that are lived on the edge. The lyrics aren't just about a wonderful God that makes our lives warm and cozy (while He can do that, and I love the songs that speak of His wonderful attributes), but they are about a life that is gut wrenching, that takes you to your breaking point just because you follow God in a way that people, even Christians, just don't understand.So how did "Miss Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" become a punk rocker? Well, I think this is how.....

My faith that calls me to adopt children who don't look like me is my green hair.

My obedience to a God that asks me to go to Africa and meet a daughter I didn't get to bring home, but in the end still know I followed God in pursuing is my Mohawk.

My expectation of myself to live a life above reproach (even if that means offending even family members who choose a different life style) is the ring in my nose.

My four children whom I can't afford but have because God told us to bring home number four is the tattoo on my right arm.

My resolve to move to a small West Texas town because I know God has kingdom work for us is the ring making great big holes in my ear lobes.

My hearing God say to buy a house that has set empty for eight years and looks condemned in a tiny town that has NO real estate value is my black lip stick.

My obedience to put my dream home on the market after living in it for less than a year because God says it is time to move is the bar piercing my tongue.

My walk of faith to open an adoption ministry when I know nothing about how to do that is my combat boots.

My love that requires me to confront a friend walking in open rebellion to God is my chain around my hip.

You see, I may still look like Miss "Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" on the outside, but I am finding that as people get to know me, they look at me with the same horror because of my convictions as they would someone walking down the street with the physical attributes I described. I am just as much a freak to my family and my friends, who profess to be Christians, as someone who dresses in such a way. But the difference between the old me and the new me is that I am no longer apologizing for being the punk rocker! There is a dying world out there! There are too many hurting people who need Who I have to play the churchy games! Radical times mean radical measures! God is calling me more and more to the lost world! I hear the cries of lost people grow louder and louder. I can't ignore them! I must be more like Jesus every day so that these people crying out in agony because they are lost can see Him in me! I must look more like Him tomorrow than I did today and that means looking less like the world...even the world that goes to church! I want to be used radically by God to reach the lost and dying world! I have a feeling that there will be less and less of Miss Prim and Proper! God is calling me more and more to a place where I have to make a choice: His way or the world's way? Will I follow Him no matter the cost, will I follow Him into more isolation, will I follow Him when no ones "gets" it, or will I walk away? I have to choose to follow Him! There are people counting on me to be Jesus to them! God help me if I choose to be prim and proper over getting into the messy lives of people in need of a Savior! My view of beauty is changing! God is piercing my heart for a lost world......and maybe my nose along with it!

Realization

I was talking to Callie today about weight as I turned down her offer for a piece of candy. She asked if I was on a diet, and I told her not necesarrily, but I had just had a hamburger and frenchfries and that was enough...I didn't want to add candy as I was trying to make healthier choices. Sounds kind of funny after typing what I ate! Anyway, she got to talking about her choices, and I reminded her that I had 100pounds to lose, and she doesn't. Then it hit me....I am carrying her around all day! She weighs 100 pounds! I need to lose a Callie! She got a kick out of this...and I just got tired thinking that is how much extra flab I am carrying!

Another pound!

I was kind of surprised this morning to find that I had lost another pound.

I didn't do so great at recording my food this week...some because I ate what I shouldh't when I could have eaten better and some because I was eating at other people's houses and didn't have control of what I ate. This was a VERY rough emotional week. So the fact that I still lost a pound is a good thing! I want to give myself credit instead of beating myself up.

Something else significant happened this week. When I had those days where I ate when I shouldn't, I didn't get upset about the food, instead, it truly broke my heart that I had turned to food instead of God. I felt that Godly sorrow that comes when you know you have just done something that will put a wedge between you and God if you don't ask for forgiveness and turn from it. I had to do it alot this week, but each time He was right there waiting with open arms! I love that about my God! :)

So this is the start of a new week. My goal for this week is to exercise every day Mon-Fri. I started off great last week, but didn't end so good. I am not off to a great start this week as I was too tired to get out of bed this morning and go walk....actually didn't even hear the alarm go off! But with the over 100 degree weather we are having, I can swim laps in the pool this evening and the back yard needs to be mowed....so I bet I can get in some exercise yet today!

Goin down!

The numbers are still going down on the scale! That is sooo nice! WW said they couldn't verify my credit card, so I can't log my food in right now until I get that settled, but I am doing ok. I kind of decided that I wouldn't be as strict on weekends anyway just to try my hand at "freedom with in boundaries" :)

I had a wedding shower at my house on Saturday, so I had some sweets then. I am sure I went over points, but I did good at monitoring and stopping when I was full....not just eating because good food was there!

I am encouraged in my battle..just because I don't think about food constantly. For the first time in a very long time, I think I can do this! I can really lose this weight! I have to!