Day from he_ _

Well, I'm not really sure how I did yesterday on food! It is 3:45 in the morning, and Ava is wide awake...so this horrific day seems to have no end! We just had a really bad day. Horrible, wendy day that blew down part of our fence. Plus John and I were not getting along so well.

I don't think I snacked terribly, but I do know that I ate two pieces of carrot cake and 2 or 3 cookies with our parents after lunch when I really wasn't even hungry. Then John and I went to a friend's party that I felt very uncomfortable at and I ate a piece of cake that I really didn't even want or was that crazy about. Then John and I went to Quizno's . I really wasn't hungry, but I ordered a regular instead of a small sandwich (I did only eat 1/2 of it) and a cup of soup. Why do I eat when my body isn't telling me too? So frustrated with myself! I even drank real DP at Quizno's instead of diet drink! Lots of empty calories there!

My clothes don't fit. I am so sick of looking and feeling this way! But I guess not sick enough to do something about it. Why? Why do I continue on this cycle? I feel like I am getting a cold and we have a crazy day ahead of us today. I am staying home from church because Noah is sick. He is still running fever and doesn't feel well. So me and the kids will stay home since John has to play.

Maybe today will be a good day for not eating since I really don't feel well. Today, I am going to concentrate on eating only if I am hungry and drinking lots of fluids!

Plan for the day

Well, yesterday wasn't too bad. I think I may have found a crucial part to this plan! I need to plan my day for eating. Yesterday morning, I thought about my day and logged in my food for the day. That let me know how many points I had used, and I knew I couldn't eat anything else during the day. It helped take food off my mind! Everytime I thought about eating, I just knew there were no points left to consume anything...even a piece of fruit.

Of course, I didn't TOTALLY stick to it. I had a couple of cookies after talking to Pastor Wesley about the adoptions. I know that was just anxiety eating! And at the Spaghetti supper, I was not supposed to eat desert, but I did. DIdn't even like what I was eating, but I ate it anyway....why do I do that?! Then when we got home, I ate some garlic bread sticks...not sure why...just love them and they were there. Those were not things that were on my list and should not have consumed. I also drank a vanilla coke from Town and Country. I was soooo hot and wanted something to drink...should have just gotten a bottle of water or at least a diet coke, but that vanilla coke just sounded so good. No telling how many calories were in it!

So, maybe the day wasn't as good as I thought! It makes a difference when you write it all out! Today will be a busy day, so hopefully I will be able to keep it under control. However, I need to straighten out money from last month so that I can start this month on budget and know where the extra money spent last month will come from. So that will be stressful which will cause me to want to eat.

God, show me how to cast this anxiety totally on you and leave it there instead of comforting myself with food! Food does nothing for me, help me to quit hearing the lies that are whispered to me that say it will help! May I trust in you and you alone today for all my needs, care and intimacy!

It's 7:53 and I haven't messed up yet! Woohoo!!! :)

Transparency!

Here I am! This will be my BEFORE
picture! It was taken Thanksgiving
2006. That was my turkey in a bag!

Well, here it goes! I am fed up with my eating habits and addiciton to food that leads to my weight issue! I watched Oprah today and all these people talk about the "click" that turned them around and convinced them now is the time to lose weight. I sat there wondering, what is it that will make that happen for me? I keep waiting for this lightning bolt to hit and heal me of my eating issues and burn off the extra 125 lbs I am carrying around! So I figure, why not put it all out there for the world to read?! Maybe I can inspire someone else, or someone reading will post a comment and inspire me!

I know my food is a spiritual battle. Yes, I love food, and love to eat. But there are many times that I eat just because...I may not even like what I am eating, but I keep eating because I think somewhere in the back of my mind that whatever I am eating will fill the void I have....when really, God is the only one who will fill it! He is sitting there waiting for me to turn to him, so why don't I? The answer is sooo easy....why do I not turn to him? I believe the lies that food has a hold on my that is stronger than God....how foolish! When will I believe the truth? God so wants to free me!

Ok, God, I am ready to be freed! I am ready to be free of the weight that prohibits me from being able to accomplish all I need to just because of fatigue! My children, my husband, my grandchildren, and mostly God deserve a healthy me!

So I am ready to lose the 116 pounds I need to lose. Ava is 9 months old. I had lost all but 7 pounds of the 35 pounds I gained with my prengancy with her. Now I am 6 pounds away from being at my heaviest PREGNANT weight! UGH!

Today was a day I was going to fast in order to break the hold of food on me. Well that lasted until lunch! Then it was down hill from there! I finished off two bags of potatoe chips (they were mainly crumbs, but STILL). I had to bake cookies for Callie's bake sale tomorrow. I ate tons of dough and I think three cookies!

BUT God's mercies are new every morning! And tomorrow is a new morning! So for now I go to bed ready to wake up in the morning and fight with all my might and the power of Christ that is in me to conquer this battle with food!